Supporting Your Teen in Mental Health or Substance Use Treatment
One of the best ways to support your child in a mental health or substance use treatment program is to stay involved, educated, and feel confident in the reasons behind your decision and in your choice of treatment center.
Deciding to pursue mental health treatment for your child can feel complicated and overwhelming. It is normal to question whether you’ve picked the right people and place to help, if your child is in the right level of care, and to feel anxious about such a big decision.
Understanding why you chose mental health treatment for your child can help you feel more confident in the decision and allow you to support your child better. You likely chose treatment for your child because you care about them, you want to protect them, and you want them to be safe.
Many parents and caregivers wonder if they caused their children’s mental health challenges. Genetics and past trauma can play a part, but if your child is struggling, it’s not your fault. The most important thing you can do is help them get support.
In a national two-year survey between 2021 and 2023, 20% of adolescents between the ages of 11 and 17 reported having unmet mental health needs. Additionally, data from 2023 found that 40% of high schoolers reported “feelings of sadness or hopelessness in the last year.”
Helping your child get support shows love and courage.
Mental health conditions, behavioral health struggles, substance abuse, and substance use disorder are complex medical conditions; they are also treatable.
There are different treatment options based on your child’s needs, from outpatient programs to inpatient residential care.
Figuring out what level of care your child needs can be confusing and overwhelming. At Sandstone, we want your family to get the help you need, whether it’s with us or somewhere else. If you’re not sure where to begin, call us at (888) 850-1890. Our residential centers serve teens and young adults from across the country.
Starting Treatment with Your Child
One of the best ways to support your child during treatment is to help them through the door to begin treatment without feeling like they are in trouble, or that they have done something wrong.
Once they have had a chance to talk with their therapist about their individual treatment plan, you can work with a family therapist to develop strategies for your entire family. Sandstone recognizes that your child’s mental health does not exist in a bubble. When one member of your family is having a hard time, other family members are affected too.
We have specially trained family therapists to help you and your loved ones work through what healing together looks like. Your child will have the opportunity to focus on themselves and on how they relate to others in their family once they are ready.
Other ways to support your child’s treatment include:
- Touching base with your child’s therapist and treatment team
- Learning how to have and respect healthy boundaries with each other
- Focusing on self-care
- Having a plan for after your child is discharged from treatment
It is normal to feel overwhelmed. Remember that your child’s recovery journey and treatment aren’t linear. You may take some steps forward, then take a step back. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not failure.
1. Helping Them Walk Through the Door
It can feel like a loss of control for an adolescent or young adult when they are told to start treatment. They may push back, accuse you of abandoning them to someone else, and say other hurtful things.
If your child is saying mean or hurtful things, now is not the time to engage and push back. Instead, consider using phrases such as:
- I am here for you throughout the whole process, not just until things calm down.
- You are not in trouble, and treatment isn’t a punishment. It is about feeling better, safer, and more capable.
- We are doing this to learn how to be better as a team, so our whole family can better support you and each other.
When talking to your child about treatment, keep your tone calm and practical and set expectations for the first week. Let them know you respect their autonomy and won’t pry as they settle in.
Also, reassure them that new routines and therapy can feel hard. It’s normal and ok if it feels hard at first.
Know that rules vary by facility type. At Sandstone, for the privacy and safety of other clients, drop-off occurs outside our residential treatment centers, and parents do not enter with their child.
While this can feel scary, know that the staff is here to support both you and your child. Ask lots of questions ahead of time about what daily schedules look like, what amenities are available, and how to reach your child.
For example, at our young adult residential treatment center, we have a coffee machine that can make everything from a latte to matcha, hot chocolate, or just a plain cup of coffee. Snacks are available 24/7, along with juice and tea. Wi-Fi is enabled for certain hours, and books, board games, a piano, a craft station, and a television are available for client use.
Our teen residential centers for mood disorders and substance use have similar amenities, minus the coffee. While most of the day is structured, there is downtime for socializing, exercising, learning a new instrument, and connecting with peers outside of formal therapy groups.
Our residential centers strive to be a home away from home, and clients consistently report that being in nature and surrounded by the mountains is healing. We have frequent animal guests, such as lizards in the summer and deer, and many clients often have the opportunity to participate in nature-based experiences, such as hikes.
We do our best to ensure our spaces are warm, inviting, and comfortable, and stocked with plenty to do in between therapy sessions.
If your child is in outpatient services, they will return home between sessions.
While you may want to know how they are doing and what they discussed, it is essential to ask open-ended questions that allow them to share as much or as little information as they wish.
For example, you might ask:
- What kind of support feels the most helpful right now?
- Would you like to share about your day, or do you need some space?
- What meals or snacks would you prefer I have ready for you at the end of the day?
- What was something good that happened today? What was something you wish had gone differently?
Therapy and self-work are hard and can take a lot out of your child. If they are coming home daily, consider easing screen-time rules and allowing them to watch their favorite shows or play video games for longer than usual.
2. Work with Their Therapist & Treatment Team
You know your teen, what they’ve been through, and what their concerns are. By sharing your insights with the treatment team, you both help them to tailor their care plan to be what your child needs, and begin to build new, healthier patterns in your relationship.
At Sandstone, if your teen or young adult is participating in a residential treatment center with us, we will do a check-in call with you once they are settled and all checked in.
Good questions to ask during this phone call include:
- Who is the best point person, and what is their best contact method?
- When can you expect a phone call from your child’s therapist? Therapists can usually contact parents within the first few days. Consider asking what the goals and progress look like in the first couple of weeks.
- Ask what the center considers urgent and what to do if your child expresses that they are having a hard time.
- Ask what type of information is shared with you and what information stays private. It is normal to want to know everything your child is doing and saying. However, they need space to heal and learn independently.
If your child isn’t in residential and is coming home every night, ask what parents should do at home to reinforce the skills your child is learning.
Also, make sure you feel confident in determining what constitutes a mental health emergency that requires immediate intervention. It is normal to experience challenges during treatment, and being clear on what is an emergency and what can wait until the next therapy session helps keep everyone safe.
Regardless of the setting, emphasize the importance of teamwork. It is essential that your child has agency in the process and doesn’t feel as though you are directing their care or that they are just doing as they’re told.
Teamwork can look like asking your teen what is most helpful and what they think is going well or not well with treatment. They may not want to discuss it much, and that should be respected. However, asking them lets them know that they have a voice in their treatment.
3. Respect Their Boundaries Without Disappearing
It is normal to want to know all the details about how your child is doing, what they discussed, and whether treatment is helping. But the best way to help your teen keep their momentum going is to give them space to process without disappearing entirely.
Respecting boundaries in parenting can take the form of open communication strategies, such as using open-door language, being direct yet gentle, and focusing on effort rather than outcomes.
Open door language might include phrases such as:
- I’m here whenever you want to talk.
- We don’t have to figure everything out right now.
- I’m ready to listen whenever you need to talk.
Direct yet gentle communication allows for clear communication without forcing them to discuss it. In this type of communication, you can validate feelings without trying to fix them and ask permission before talking about hard topics.
For example, you might use phrases like:
- I’m worried about how your friends are treating you at school. Is now a good time to talk about school?
- I’d like to spend some time with you. Would you go with me to grab some boba?
The hard part is respecting their “no” if they decline the invitation. In these situations, consider their tone. If they seemed interested in connecting but were about to do something else, suggest a different time.
If the answer is still a no, respect it.
You can consider trying other ways to communicate and show that you care, such as writing them a note with space for them to write back or dropping off that boba at their door.
Ultimately, though, as hard as it is, it’s essential that it’s clear you are there for them when they are ready, but that you aren’t going to push them into anything they’re uncomfortable with or not prepared for.
Language that focuses on effort, not outcomes, is vital for building connections and respecting boundaries, especially when they do not feel ready to discuss treatment.
Examples of language that focuses on effort might include phrases such as:
- I’m proud of you for showing up, even when it’s hard.
- I see how hard you’re trying.
- I know what you’re doing is hard, and I’m really glad that you continue to show up.
These communication styles respect your child’s boundaries while still conveying that you care and are available when they are ready. Recognize that your teen or young adult is going through a tough time and is likely learning new, challenging skills.
Avoid shaming your child into talking about sessions or issues. Also, avoid bribing, lecturing, threatening, or demanding that they open up. While you might feel frustrated, forcing conversation is likely only to backfire and cause your child to shut down.
4. Family Involvement & Taking Care of Yourself
In a family, if one person is having a hard time, there’s a ripple effect. If your child is experiencing challenges with their mental health, it’s likely affecting the whole family.
Sandstone understands the importance of family dynamics in healing, and our therapists and mental health professionals are skilled at navigating challenges and helping you and your family build tools to work more effectively together.
Ways to be involved as a family while also taking care of yourself include:
- Showing up when parents are invited in: This might look like telehealth or in-person sessions with your child, depending on the level of care they are in. Typically, in residential settings, these sessions are held via a virtual platform.
- Building the same skills your child is learning: Many treatment centers rotate through a planned curriculum. Ask what your child is learning for the week and work on that skill yourself. For example, your teen might be working on emotional regulation, conflict resolution, or different communication strategies. Being aware of these skills and practicing them at home can reinforce them as well.
- Setting up support for yourself and other members of your household: To support your child, you need to help yourself. Support might include having your own therapist, joining a parent support group, and reaching out to trusted friends or family.
- Asking questions if you feel confused or need guidance: Get explicit guidance on what to reinforce, what to ignore, when to step in, and what behaviors should trigger a call. Clear roles reduce second-guessing and power struggles. Consider keeping a journal to write down questions and process your thoughts and feelings.
- Addressing guilt directly: It is normal for “What did I do wrong?” thoughts to show up. While you might wish you could go back in time and parent differently, you can’t change the past. You can only change how you parent going forward. Try to redirect these types of thoughts to “What’s one helpful thing I can do today?”
- Avoiding hypervigilance: As a parent, when your teen or adult child is struggling, the natural response is to worry. However, as long as your child is safe, set boundaries for constant monitoring. Consider creating a list of what to watch for with a therapist, and check in with your child at set times. Constantly being on the lookout for your child will burn you out.
- Focusing on self-care: True self-care is more than the occasional bubble bath or piece of chocolate. Genuine self-care comes from prioritizing your well-being by focusing on quality sleep, ensuring daily movement or exercise, eating nourishing foods, connecting with friends, and taking time to do things you enjoy, such as reading a book or crafting. Self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity.
We know it’s cliché, but you can’t pour from an empty cup. While it’s common for parents and caregivers to feel selfish when they take time for themselves, it’s the opposite. Doing things that help you feel fulfilled gives you the energy to show up as your best self for your child, your family, and yourself.
5. Keep the Momentum After Treatment
When a child finishes residential or outpatient treatment, it’s a critical turning point because the built-in structure, daily support, and accountability of a program suddenly shifts back to a real life of school pressures, peer influences, family stress, and unplanned triggers.
What you do in the weeks right after discharge can make a major difference in whether the progress from treatment holds and strengthens, or starts to fade.
If your child was at a residential treatment center, they might be stepping down to intensive outpatient therapy or a partial hospitalization program.
If your child participated in an outpatient treatment program, they may be adjusting to weekly or biweekly therapy visits.
Watch how you speak about this transition and consider using language that refers to it as a new phase instead of a return to “normal”.
Before transitioning out of a treatment program, be sure you:
- Understand clearly what the next steps are
- Know what supports will continue (e.g., therapy sessions, family therapy, groups, and check-ins)
- Understand how to access additional support and help if needed
Know what healthy coping strategies and outlets work best for your child as old stressors return, such as school pressure, anxiety, cravings, or peer influences.
Consider engaging your child in healthy activities such as sports, art classes, or volunteer opportunities. This can help foster community, connection, and a sense of purpose and belonging.
It’s crucial to treat your home environment as a place to recover, rest, and recharge, not a courtroom. Establish clear rules and boundaries that coexist with warmth, calm, and follow-through.
If you do notice old patterns of behavior returning that concern you, such as sleep changes, isolation, irritability, mood shifts, or declining school attendance, know who to reach out to ahead of time.
Responding early and providing support, rather than waiting, when you see concerning signs or symptoms, is part of the process. Recovery and healing are processes that take time and are fluid.
Help Is Available
If you are concerned about your child’s mental health and need a person to talk to, help is available 24/7 through the 988 Lifeline. This helpline is staffed by mental health professionals and is free for anyone to use.
If your child needs immediate care because you feel they are going to hurt themselves or others, seek emergency medical care.
If you’re curious to learn more about mental health, SAMHSA is a great resource. They offer several mental healthcare resources on their website, including a tool to help you find care.
If you think your child might need a mental health treatment center, you don’t need a referral or a specific diagnosis to start the process. Our team at Sandstone is here for you to answer your questions and discuss treatment options. We have physical locations in Maryland, Virginia, and Colorado, and our residential treatment centers accept clients nationwide.
If you’re curious about cost, you can verify health insurance at any time on our website.
Whether you choose us or elsewhere, our team’s goal is to help you feel confident in your choice for care and to help your family find the right support. If you think we might be a good fit or you have any questions, call us at (888) 850-1890.
Know that your involvement and presence with your child matters, even if they seem upset with you for reaching out to help. When you engage in their mental health treatment, you show your child that you are here for them and that they do not have to face their challenges alone.
