Signs of Depression in Teens: Parents Guide

Feeling irritable or grumpy is an often-overlooked sign of teen depression.

Many adults imagine a depressed teen acting quietly or tearfully.

However, signs of irritability and grumpiness are also symptoms and can look like:

• Snapping at parents and siblings or things that seem small
• Become frustrated easily
• Seeming restless or annoyed for no apparent reason
• Seeming to feel overwhelmed by what appear to be minor stressors
• Rejecting affection

While not all teens will lean in for a hug or kiss, and family conflicts happen, feeling angry and confused all of the time can be a sign that the teenage brain is struggling to process emotions.

Every teen will get angry occasionally, but if they cannot recover for weeks at a time, it is a sign that there is something more serious at play.

Constantly feeling sad is often what comes to mind when people think of depression.

A teen may describe or show they are feeling empty, sad, or low by:

• Feeling numb
• Feeling sad, but unsure why
• Unexpectedly crying
• Having low self-esteem
• Losing interest in once-loved hobbies or activities
• Not hanging out with friends
• Expressing hopelessness by using phrases such as “nothing matters”

Feelings of sadness may make it difficult for them to feel motivated, get schoolwork done, or have healthy relationships with family members and friends.

A teen who is experiencing depression may feel indecisive or indifferent.

Depression affects your ability to think clearly and focus. This difficulty with basic thought processes can come across as indecisiveness or indifference.

In teens, this might look like your teen:

• Seems unsure about simple decisions (e.g., they may use phrasing like “I don’t care” or “Do whatever you want”)
• Has difficulty starting tasks 
• Feels mentally stuck
• Is uninterested in activities
• Seems overwhelmed when asked to make plans or decisions
• Is unable to verbalize what they want or need

It is essential to understand that if your teen seems frozen or stuck, they are not lazy. Instead, they may feel overwhelmed, showing warning signs of being burnt out, and struggling to think and process information clearly.

A teen with depression may be a harsh self-critic, feel embarrassed about their mental health problems, or experience shame and insecurity.

These feelings may show up as:

• Constantly comparing themselves to others
• Negative self-talk (e.g., saying things like “I’m stupid” or “You hate me”)
• Avoiding challenges
• Seeking validation
• Believing they are a burden
• Experience a sense of rejection

These beliefs are often distorted and not grounded in actual truth.

However, they feel real to the teen experiencing them and may lead to worsening depression and cause them to isolate themselves even more.

A teen with depression may feel guilty or ashamed, even for things that they have little control over or that aren’t their fault. 

Guilt or shame may look like:

• Apologizing excessively
• Feeling responsible for stress or conflict (e.g., between family members or friends)
• Ruminating over situations or small mistakes
• Hiding problems
• Saying phrases that imply guilt, such as “I ruin everything”
• Pulling away from others

Guilt and shame are challenging symptoms because they may lead teens to hide what they’re struggling with instead of seeking help.

Motivating behavior is influenced by how the teen is feeling, their environment, and the physical and mental energy required to start and complete a task.

If a teen is struggling, they may lose motivation because tasks feel overwhelming.

This may look like:

• Avoiding schoolwork or procrastinating more than they typically do
• Quitting activities or sports or skipping practices
• Having a hard time getting up and starting their day
• Becoming overwhelmed with small tasks
• Using phrases such as “What’s the point?” or “I don’t care.”

While these symptoms may look like laziness, it’s not. The symptoms reflect the emotional exhaustion and loss of interest that teens with depression can experience.

Social withdrawal is a symptom that is more common in adults with depression, but it also shows up in teens and young people.

It can appear at the onset of depression or more gradually as a result of other symptoms (e.g., losing motivation to get ready to go out with friends).

Signs your teen is isolating themselves include:

• Spending more time alone in their room 
• Avoiding family meals
• Spending less time with friends
• Ignoring texts and messages

Your teen may withdraw because they feel tired or overwhelmed, or because they believe others don’t want to be around them.

Depression in people, including teens, can cause cognitive challenges, meaning that your teen may show difficulty concentrating or remembering things.

Difficulty with concentration and memory may look like:

• Trouble focusing on schoolwork, such as readings or paying attention to lectures
• Difficulty following instructions because they forget what to do next
• Taking longer to finish tasks
• Falling behind academically, even though they’re trying
• Appearing zoned out, distracted, or mentally checked out

Teachers may note unfinished schoolwork or falling grades. While at home, parents may see their teen frustrated with schoolwork and avoiding it altogether.

Having angry outbursts is one of the most common symptoms and behaviors of teen depression.

Irritability and changing moods, which sometimes seem to appear for no reason to others in the teen’s life, are a sign that your teen might be struggling.

Anger and irritability may show up as:

• Sudden outbursts that seem big for the situation 
• Slamming doors, yelling, or screaming
• Mood swings and anger that seem unpredictable and more frequent
• Appearing  on edge or constantly overwhelmed
• Seeming to overreact to minor conflicts or any criticism

These outbursts may happen because the teen feels overwhelmed and doesn’t know how else to express themselves. They may be a release of emotional buildup and appear as anger, when really it’s emotional pain.

Substance abuse are dangerous and serious indicators that a teen is struggling with depression or emotional distress. 

Teens who engage in substance use may:

• Experiment with alcohol or drugs
• Use substances to manage their emotional pain
• Engage in impulsive or dangerous activity while under the influence
• Spend time with peers who also engage in similar behaviors

A teen with depression may feel very tired or seem like they don’t have any energy, even when they haven’t done anything physically demanding. 

This may show up as:

• Low energy or exhaustion throughout the day
• Struggling to wake up or get up for school, even if they went to bed at an appropriate time
• Taking longer to complete simple tasks because of fatigue
• Unable to participate fully in sports or activities they previously enjoyed due to a lack of energy
• Using phrases such as “I’m so tired” 

Fatigue is not laziness, and while it may appear like your teen is “lazy,” it is a real and common physical symptom of depression.

Teens with depression may experience changes to their sleep patterns and sleep too much or too little.

You might hear a provider use terms such as “hypersomnia” (sleeping too much) and “insomnia” (difficulty sleeping).

Sleep issues can look like:

• Staying up late and having difficulty staying asleep
• Waking up in the night and struggling to go back to sleep
• Sleeping later than usual
• Taking naps if they didn’t previously take them, or taking longer naps
• Having a hard time waking up for school or functioning in the morning
• Spending weekends or time off from school in bed or napping

Depression affects the circadian rhythm, your body’s internal clock that helps you fall asleep, stay asleep, and then wake up for the day.

A main reason for difficulty sleeping is a tendency to ruminate on issues for a long time before bed. Social media use before bed may also play a role.

If your teen has difficulty sleeping, then they are more likely to experience daytime sleepiness, further disrupting their sleep patterns.

A teen’s weight can noticeably change if they experience depression. Both weight gain and weight loss are possible symptoms. 

This may look like:

• Weight loss caused by a decreased appetite or decreased enjoyment of food
• Eating less or skipping meals because they’re too tired, it’s too much work to engage socially during a family meal, or they’re not enjoying food as much.
• Gaining weight due to emotional eating or cravings
• Feeling nauseous or other somatic (physical) symptoms

Depression can cause physical symptoms such as headaches and stomach aches.

While somatic symptoms are more common symptoms of depression in young kids, they can happen in teens and adults, too.

Physical symptoms might include:

• Frequent headaches
• Stomach pain without a known cause, or if other medical issues are ruled out
• Feeling sick or nauseous when stressed
• Avoiding school because your teen “doesn’t feel well”
• Chronic pain without an identifiable cause that doesn’t get better with typical treatments

Somatic symptoms are a symptom of depression and may also be a sign of several other mental health conditions.

Physical symptoms of depression also include self-harm or risky behaviors.

Self-harming behaviors, such as cutting, provide a release of dopamine, a feel-good chemical. It’s an addictive behavior and is more common in individuals with mood disorders, such as depression.

If your teen is self-harming, this can appear as:

• Cuts, scratches, or burns without a known cause
• Wearing long sleeves or pants, even in hot weather
• Avoiding activities such as swimming or other activities where their skin is more visible
• Small, patterned marks that are unlikely to have occurred by accident

Self-harm is a serious sign that a teen is struggling and requires immediate support from a mental health professional.

To introduce the idea of depression to your teen, consider mentioning that you’ve noticed things have seemed hard lately and that you are concerned.

If you are worried about your teen’s mental health, talking to them about it is often challenging.

It is essential to avoid statements that sound confrontational or suggest any sort of blame (e.g., that they’ve been “lazy”).

Involve your teen in their care decisions without overwhelming their decision-making ability. For example, consider finding a nearby therapy group that is in-network with your insurance and giving your teen the choice of which provider they would like to see.

Or, if there are specific therapists who are recommended to you, let your teen choose which one they would like to see.

Reassure your teen that you are here to support and that you respect their need for confidentiality in any sessions that they have with their therapist.

Keep the tone supportive and normalize needing help. For example, maybe a family member, friend, or loved one your teen is close to has needed therapy and has been open about it.

Several music and TV stars are also open about needing help, and one of their messages may resonate with your teen.

Take care of yourself, too. Deciding on mental health treatment can feel scary and overwhelming. Consider searching out therapy for yourself as you navigate this time in your life. Being a caregiver for a child with depression is hard.

Note: While providing choices can help your teen feel that they are in control, if it is a mental health emergency or have a plan for suicide attempts, call 911. Many counties have mental health crisis teams that can respond with emergency personnel. 

Boys with depression are more likely to seem restless, angry, and indifferent, rather than showing the more “obvious” signs people expect, like sadness.

Girls, on average, report more sadness, guilt, worthlessness, and low energy.

Instead of talking about what’s going on internally, a teenage boy with depression might say things like “What’s the point?” or “I don’t care,” get into more arguments, or start pulling away from family and friends.

Some teen boys also isolate online, staying up late gaming or scrolling, spending less time in person with friends, and getting more irritated when asked to log off.

Because this can look like defiance, “attitude,” or a behavior problem, depression in teen boys is sometimes mislabeled as “acting out.”

That label can make things worse. When adults respond by blaming him, calling him lazy, or trying to “straighten him out,” it often adds more stress to a brain that’s already overloaded.

In teen boys with depression, the brain’s stress system can be more easily triggered, which makes it harder to pause, regulate anger, and explain feelings in words.

Criticism and power struggles can increase shame, push him to shut down or to escalate the situation.

Irritability and withdrawal could be signs that your teenage boy is in distress, not a sign that he is disrespectful of you.

It’s also important to note that many teens are transgender or gender nonconforming (TGNC). These teens are at higher risk of depression and may not fit the “typical” patterns above. That’s one reason it’s crucial to look at the whole person rather than assumptions based on gender.

Every teen boy is different, and all teens are in a crucial stage of brain development.

That’s why individualized, age-specific care matters. It should be evidence-based and tailored to how depression can impact a teen boy’s sleep, motivation, stress response, anger, and developing brain.

No, it is not normal for teens to be sad all of the time.

While it is normal for a teenager to experience some challenges in school and at home, they should not be struggling to get through the day for weeks or months at a time.

If your teen is experiencing symptoms for more than two weeks, it may be a sign that there is a more serious mental health condition involved, such as major depressive disorder.